how high can you get?

whew.

it's been like, an hour ago, and here i am, in front of my laptop, fingers busy typing, lips in a smile and the whole of me in a trance. can somebody pull me back to earth? i'm way too high now.

day started not fine, really. and i thought it would last the whole day long. i mean, what else could be worse than not being able to do anything because all your muscles wont let you to.. lahat mabigat, ultimo paglakad ko feeling ko kinakaladkad ko legs ko. taas lagnat ko and vomit pa ko ng vomit.

then he called.

and told me bibisitahin ako dito.

nagbrown out.

super init.

kakawala lng ng lagnat ko,

naligo ako.

nakita ni lola na basa hair ko, ayun napagalitan ako. binat daw ang hanap ko. nasermonan ako ng lahat. tito, tita, lola, at kung pwede lang siguro magsermon yung alagang aso namin, malamang sinermonan din ako. *dobol meaning to. wahahaha!*

so i texted him and told him ayaw ko sia pumunta dito dahil nga dun sa nangyaring pagsesermon.

but then, he insisted.

and boi am i so glad that he did.

hindi perfect ang pagtanggap sa knya nung una. and nahihiya talaga ako sa knya for the way my lola acted when she first saw him. keyword: unhappy.

tumuloy kami dito sa bahay and usap usap etc... enter tito boyong (my most favorite tito, na favorite din ako... pagalitan.)

"wag kang aalis ng di tayo naguusap ha" sabi ng tito ko kay bob.

i feel like all the energy from my body was drained, and i was left there watching myself fall down the drain. nangyari na kasi to last 2004. may pinakilala ako and kinausap din ng tito ko, ending muntikan magkasakitan at drama mode si elay na naghabol sa bf sa gitna ng malakas na ulan.

but then again, i know bob is nothing like him. kaso lang, it's in my tito na takot ako, nakainom kc.

i held his hand so tight and kissed it. i feel sorry for him, i know he doesnt deserve such treatment. pero si bob cool lang, pasmile smile pa at pinapatawa pa ako. i asked him, "pano mo pa nagagawang tumawa sa lagay na to?"

that moment, daming umiikot sa utak ko na what if's... what if magkagulo... what if di magkaintindihan... what if.....may magkasakitan?

nung lumabas kami para kausapin niya tito ko, ako yung nagreact. i admit, nabastos ko tito ko. i was full of emotions, pano nung hapon sinermonan niya ako tapos medyo pasigaw pa pagsabi niya kay bob na kakausapin siya. to make it short, kami ng tito ko ung nagkagulo.

umuwi ako sa bahay and bob went with tito, dun sila nagusap sa bahay nila tito, na kabilang bahay lang din naman. i went straight to my room and cried. cried. cried. at that moment, gustong gusto ko magkaron ng bionic ears just so malaman ko kung ano pinaguusapan nila dun.

out of tension, tinawagan ko si bunsoi. and bunsoi knows kung nakailang PI word ako at kung ano ano na pumapasok sa isip ko.

after a while, pumasok pinsan ko sa room ko and told me na pinapapunta ako dun nila tito. i was shocked. nabastos ko lang siya kanina and then papupuntahin niya ako dun.

i was walking with metal legs, as in super bigat.

pagdating ko dun, i was surprised to see smiling faces.

immediate reaction ko was to hug my tito and say sorry. matagal at mahigpit na yakap. narealize ko fault ko and i am willing to do anything para malaman niya na sincere yung sorry ko. naiyak ako sa sobrang tuwa, sabi kc ni tito, "mahal ka namin pamangkin eh..."

damn. now im crying again.

"mabait naman pala siya, approved siya samin." was the best best phrase i have ever heard in my whole existence.

tabihan ko daw si bob, sabi ni tito... and the rest followed. we were told na anytime, pwede pumunta dito si bob, or kung may lakad kami, magpapaalam lang, ok na.

my head was on bob's right shoulder and a hankie on my face. i was crying.

i was so overwhelmed.

tito, bob and i even ate dinner together. take note, the tito i'm referring here is my ultimate kinakatakutan na tito.

after that, pumunta kami sa bahay ni lola and i hugged her too and said sorry. sabi nga ni lola, "tamo to, alam pano mawala agad ang galit ko. lagi syang ganyan maglambing." yah, im always like that.
**

so happy.

i can't find the exact words to say it.

ecstatic.

im floating in heavens.

and somehow, im thanking BOB for bridging the gap between me and my tito. ever since 2004, di pa kami nagkausap ng matino nun, except kung sesermonan niya ako and the works. but came bob and the gap was gone, walang wala na nagawa ko pang yakapin sya at magsorry for everything.

i am the proud girlfriend.

im so proud on the way he rationalized everything... how he acted, and how he made his point clear.

this is yet another reason why i feel blessed on having such a wonderful guy in my life.

12:26 am and still smiling.

i love you robert thomas j. sagun I.